And so the adventure begins

Okay so earlier in the year one of the walls in Lucy's room mysteriously caved in. Still to this day - we don't know why. It began to bow out and within a 3-4 month period it fell in - this was right about the time we had a new roof put on so I am suspect to believe that had something to do with it. Anywho - Pawpaw and Daddy to the rescue - they tore down the entire wall and "built" a new wall. Well terrible momma - it's still sheet rock white. I just haven't had it me to paint. I was 4 months pregnant when I painted the "baby's room" - not knowing what I was having we went with a neutral, beautiful shade of yellow - when news came that our bundle was to be a girl - I accessorised with pink pink pink. Oh and did I mention - pink. Well my mom (aka Nanna) has decided that we MUST paint before she starts back to school (she's a teacher) next week. I have decided to let go of the "baby" and embrace the beautiful little girl she is becoming. This world is so full of do's and don'ts... what's right and what's wrong - so much pressure to conform. We stifle our children and we stifle their little imaginations and their creativity to conform to what the "world" says is acceptable. So in an effort to bust wide the doors of my child's imagination I allowed her to pick out the colors for her room. I told her that we would paint two walls one color and the other two walls a coordinating different color. So we are at Home Depot picking out paint and what does she pick out? In the words of Steel Magnolias,
Shelby: "I have chosen blush and bashful"
Mallyn: "Her colors are pink and pink"
Shelby: "Momma my colors are blush and bashful"
Lucy choose "fairest of them all" and "Pretty in Pink".
I disassembled her room last night. Stripped it down to the bones... it felt so cold and empty and I sat in the floor when no one was watching and cried. I feel a changing in the tides. It's a happy change bc with the changing of the tides you know the general direction you are going but not quite the exact location you will end up. Then the thought occurred to me that one day - we will be moving from our "newlywed nest" and as much as I thought I wanted that so badly NOW - I realized all of the memories we had made in that house. We made that house our home. Of course I suppose that our next house we will also make a home. I guess it's so gripping for me bc I grew up in and lived in the same house from the time I was 3 until I was 23 preparing to be married. I think back on my old home with fond memories - but like the Miranda Lambert song The house that built me goes:
"I thought if I could touch this play or feel it, this brokenness in me might start healing... Out here it's like I'm someone else.... maybe I could find myself"
I suppose the homes we live in really do build us. They build us or they break us.
Back to the point at hand.... Lucy's room will be "Blush and Bashful" come Monday. Our conversation last night in her VERY empty room....
Lucy: Mommy it is so scary in here...
Me: Why Baby?
Lucy: because I can hear my voice talking back to me
Me: that's because your room is empty and its an echo
Lucy: Mommy - I thought you were just going to paint my room pink
Me: Sweetie it takes time to paint, I just took everything out tonight and tomorrow I will fill in all those holes in the wall and then on Saturday Nanna and I will paint it pink while you swim at Mawmaw's house
Lucy: (beginning to cry) I just want my room pink mommy
Me: Lucy
Lucy: What mommy
Me: I have a wonderful idea, let's use our E_MAGINATIONS
Lucy: um okay mommy
Me: Close your eyes and imagine that all of the walls are pink and that there is no more yellow, can you see it?
Lucy: AW (gasp) I can see it Mommy, I can see it. (opens eyes)
Lucy: But MOMMY
Me: What's wrong baby?
Lucy: my imagination didn't work mommy, my room is just still all yellow with one white wall. I am so mad.

This is me in Lucy's room at about roughly 8 or 9 months pregnant. I know I look HORRID. Give me a break okay, I had been terribly sick and in HORRID pain for oh roughly about 7 of those months. Anyway this is it - I will update on Monday as we transition from the "baby's room" to Lucy's "little girl" room. 

God is bigger than the Boogie man.

Okay so I am totally a blog slacker - I know it Abby you don't have to tell me! This turned out to be a terrible week for me - I think. Lucy was gone to Kentucky with her grandparents for the entire week - she is due home today. Which at the first of the week I was so sad bc I missed her so much but today - I can look back over the week and say - I am glad that she wasn't home to see what went on this week. I waited with anticipation for something in my life. It came and I felt utterly and completely blindsided by it. I won't be specific - bc these days it just pays not to be!! I am now faced with a tough - very tough decision. I feel the weight of the choice in my gut - for most my choice won't even effect them but for me - it's a crossroad in my life. I road that my dreams tell me I must cross - to get out of the ditch and be seen for who I really am on the inside - to be seen the way my God sees me. I can tell you some very valuable lessons that I have learned this week.... In fear - people WILL betray you... In anger and greed - people WILL hurt you - In selfishness - people WILL jump ship to save themselves....You will be blindsided....you will be lied too, used, manipulated, spoken to harshly, Oh - I also learned that only a coward feels the need to demean another human being....I also learned that you can't trust most anyone outside of your family (including my girls).....and last but not least - the most valuable lessons that I learned..... that I am a natural born leader, I am a really strong willed, brave, smart, determined, mature, woman that deserves respect, that deserves the truth to her face, that deserves to be happy, and My GOD is bigger than the "boogie" man (that one's for you Tina). I learned in greater knowledge that my family and friends - my true friends will rally around and that they truly would kill for me. God prepared me for what was coming (for the most part - I knew that there was a storm brewing but had no idea what it was to be) - in the midst of the hurricane around me - I felt an unimaginable peace. I learned that this week - I am finally a person that I am proud to be. I also learned - that I am not afraid anymore - even if you don't like the sound of the truth coming out of my mouth. Too often my meekness has been mistaken for weakness.... I won't stand silent any more. My actions are speaking more clearly and loudly than any lies that I could be told. So all in all - not to bad a week I guess - old me would have been utterly devistated - now me - I am excited to see what God has in store. I am praying for God's swift justice. Just like when David had the chance to kill King Saul in the cave - he didn't - he simply cut a piece of Saul's garment to say - hey mighty and power abusing king - I was close enough to kill you - but bc it wouldn't honor God - I didn't. Because despite you - I love you anyway... I learned that God has heard my hearts cries and HE is transforming my heart to be more like the heart of David. On that note - I can't wait to see my punkin' this afternoon. It's been a most long week dude!